That was the last time we saw each other.

She would be going to the States the next day to study. She already announced that her flight would happen first thing tommorow morning. I’m singing, “Leaving on a Jetplane” to her while we were climbing up on one of those overlooking cliffs in Antipolo, overlooking the whole Manila. She then threw a stern smile at me.

Please stop that… Ang pangit ng boses mo.

Weeehh… ang yabang mo, ah. Ikaw nga, hindi marunong kumanta. Kelan pa kita narinig kumanta, ha?

Heh. Ang sama mo.

She stopped talking when the citylights were revealed to us. Yellow, red, and orange– twinkling against the soft sound of bustling jeepneys and cars behind us.

Yan… Yan ang Marikina!

I pointed to the area where the large orange neon sign of “OTTO” was blinking.

Tinatanong ko?

And she gave me that patented taray look again. She sat down on the grass, her legs crossed. She was that kind of girl. She will not bother whether she would sit on a dirty floor, or if there were mud in the grass, or if her jeans will get muddy.

I sat down, too, right beside her.

There was a rush of wind, a cold one, and it was refreshing.

For a couple of minutes, we were just silent. In my mind were lots of things wanting to be said, but my mouth was numb and i couldn’t speak.

My heart was pounding. For the past 10 minutes I have been thinking if I would say those words to her. I have to, or else, there would be no other chance for me to do it so. Sheet. Man, this is the perfect moment… C’mon, do this. Bahala na si Batman.

As I was about to open my mouth, she spoke.

Tawagan mo ‘ko, ah. Hihintayin kita.

It was like the world turned upside down. Para yatang naging stars yung mga streetlights sa harapan ko.

Oo naman. Sure.

She turned to face me.

Hindi ko alam kung babalik pa ako. Sabi ni Papa dun na rin daw sila titira after a year.

It was only now that I realize how heartbreaking that news should be, but at that moment, I remember that the only thing that matter to me was the thing I saw. God, she was so beautiful. The moonlight made her more wonderful. There’s a silver lining on her face’s border… illuminated like the moon. Yeah.

I don’t know if I have spoken after that. Maybe I have, because as I looked into her eyes, I saw my reflection got twisted and bent.

She started to cry.

Ay, nako… wag ka nga umiyak…

Mamimiss kita. Tawag ka talaga, ah?

Ay, ang kulet. Wag ka na umiyak. Smile.

I forced to smile. That was the hardest act I have ever done in my life. That fake smile.

She turned from me now and faced the citylights– the stars of my heaven on earth. I could see even if she hid it the way she wiped her tears. Oh, that was me, or yeah, the reflection of me, a while ago.

There was silence again. No, there were no crickets that night.

Kantahan mo na lang uli ako. Kahit pangit.

And then I laughed. She laughed, too. It was this kind of laugh that is sad.

I started with the first words, but my voice was trembling. Something painful in my eyes made it hard for me to sing.

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go,
I’m standing here outside our door,
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye…

Perhaps, the things I wanted to say could wait for another time. I will be waiting, the same way as she promised in waiting for my call.

But the dawn is breaking, it’s early morn,
The taxi’s waiting, he’s blowin’ his horn,
Already I’m so lonesome, I could die…

God, how I wished that night did never end. She, there beside me, facing the stars of the earth, under the moonlight so soft and gentle.

*original time stamp November 8, 2004